


seokmin - first snow

by ourjisoos



Series: Seventeen Oneshots [4]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Character Death, Deathfic, F/M, Flashbacks, Fluff and Angst, Hallucinations, Hurt/Comfort, Memories, Romance, Sad, Snow, Suicidal Thoughts, Winter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-22
Updated: 2020-11-22
Packaged: 2021-03-10 07:22:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27669488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ourjisoos/pseuds/ourjisoos
Summary: "Make me a promise, okay?""What is it?""Promise me that you'll be with me every winter to keep me warm."When a terrible accident happened and took away the love of your life, you start reminiscing on the past only to find it all too much.
Relationships: Lee Seokmin | DK & Everyone, Lee Seokmin | DK/Original Character(s), Lee Seokmin | DK/Reader
Series: Seventeen Oneshots [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2022815
Comments: 2
Kudos: 1





	seokmin - first snow

I woke up to the natural morning sunlight. It was Sunday which meant I didn't have work.

I dread these days, because at least when I'm working I can keep my mind busy.

But now I'm stuck alone in this house that's filled with memories, memories that I can never have again.

They say it's normal to grieve for one month, even two. Most people grieve for no more than three months.

Well it's been a year.

And still can't pass one day without drowning in the sorrow of losing you.

I isolated myself, distanced myself from family and friends.

I was my old self again. My old, miserable self.

I know it's probably selfish of me. They're all so worried about me and urged me to get help but always refuse.

Life was never the same ever since that night.

-One year ago-

I waited anxiously in the waiting room, not taking my eyes off the door.

Then the doctor came in.

"I'm very sorry Miss" he said solemnly.

With those words I knew that he was gone.

I felt like my world just fell apart, like it had stopped spinning and was heading straight towards a black hole.

"C-can I see him?" I asked.

"Of course" he said and lead me to the room.

The room which held my dead fiancé.

When I entered there was a sheet laying over his entire body.

I carefully removed it from his face and felt a stab in my gut seeing his lifeless form.

He looked so peaceful, like he could be sleeping.

I just looked at his face, wanting his eyes to open and smile that bright sunshine smile. I wanted to see it just one more time.

But I knew it was hopeless.

I grabbed his hand and held it tight.

It was cold.

And then I could no longer hold back the tears.

I cried a river that night.

"Seokmin-ah, why did you have to leave? What am I going to do without you?"

I was shaking.

"You said we would be together forever, you promised me."

My eyes landed on the ring on my finger. We were suppose to marry next month.

Just then his parents came in and they looked horrified.

I felt so sorry for them. Imagine losing a child, especially someone as bright as Seokmin.

You could say he brought a light to everyone's lives.

On the way home his parents offered to drive me.

They noticed I had been shaking and was probably safest for me not to drive.

The normally boisterous and laughter filled car rides with his parents was dead silent.

I stared out the window at the starry sky and immediately reminisced our high school days.

I was a junior and he was a freshman.

Before I met him, I was closed off and angsty. I didn't talk to people and I didn't have friends.

As a result I would always sit alone when eating.

Until that point not a single person has approached me or wanted to sit at my table.

Not until that day. The day you arrived.

Unlike me you had lots of friends, too many perhaps. And up to this day I never figured out why someone like you would ever approach me.

-8 years ago-

"Noona, why are you sitting alone?"

"Because I like sitting alone."

"I don't think that's true. No one likes sitting alone."

"Well I don't have any friends so sucks for me I guess."

"I'll be your friend, then" he smiled at me.

That was the first time I saw that smile of yours, and my heart instantly fluttered.

Throughout our time in high school we were inseparable.

You helped me change from the inside out. I began opening up to people and making friends as well.

I guess your sunshine rubbed off on me.

It was the day before graduation, we were hanging out at your house.

"Seokmin-ah, I'll be graduating tomorrow. And then I'll go off to university and I won't be able to see you for two years."

"Actually that's what I wanted to talk to you about."

"What do you mean?" I looked at him.

"I'll be graduating as well" he said.

My eyes widened. "Seriously?"

"Yes!"

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Well I didn't know if I would be able to but I got an email last week saying that I could graduate this year."

"That's amazing!" I said hugging him.

I always knew Seokmin was an excellent student. It stunned me when he would help me with my homework because it was two grades above him but now it all made sense. He wanted to graduate at the same time as me.

But then another thought came into my mind, and I pulled back from the hug.

"Why did you do this?"

He looked into my eyes and grabbed my hands. I felt my heart race from the action.

"Noona I... I really like you, and I want to always be with you" he said.

I blushed so hard. I couldn't believe it. 

I always had a kind of feeling for him, but I didn't know what it was until he said those words. 

I knew I loved him.

I held onto his hands tighter, "I want to always be with you as well."

And from that day we started dating.

We went to the same university and both did the business administration program.

His father was the CEO of a tech company and he'd been wanting to pass it onto him.

Once we graduated, we both started working in your father's company.

We moved in together after university, and it felt like a dream.

Being able to wake up everyday next to you made me so happy.

Just being with you was enough. 

-Present day-

I stepped out onto the patio and felt a cold wind blow against my skin.

The weather was getting colder as winter was approaching.

I looked at the sky and what caught my eye was a single delicate snowflake slowly making its way down to earth.

I reached out my hand and caught the snowflake.

I watched as it melted in my hand.

It was the first snow of winter.

This sparked another memory.

-3 years ago-

Seokmin and I had just moved into our new home and we were still getting settled. 

I had just brought in another box that my mom had sent over.

I looked around the room but didn't see Seokmin anywhere.

"Jagi where are you?" 

"Out here!" I heard him say from the backyard.

I slid the patio door open and saw him looking at the sky.

"Why do you like winter so much?" I said resting my chin on his shoulder.

"Before, me and my sister would always wait for the first snow of winter and we would compete to see who would catch it. It was kind of a tradition." I saw a tinge of sadness in his eyes. He hasn't seen his sister for several years since she left the country, he must miss her a lot.

"But winter is so cold."

He smiled at me. "That's why we keep our loved ones close by during winter, so we can find warmth in being with them."

I wrapped both my arms around his waist. He made me feel more warmth than anything else in this world.

Just then I saw a single falling snowflake out of the corner of my eye and reached my hand out to grab it.

"Look Seokmin, the first snow" I said holding it out in front of him.

"I guess you win then" he said.

I laughed and put my arm back around him.

"Seokmin-ah" I said.

"Hm?"

"Make me a promise, okay?"

"What is it?"

"Promise me that you'll be with me every winter to keep me warm."

He chuckled, "I didn't know you were the kind to say such cheesy things."

"Yah" I said. "Just... just promise me okay?"

He then turned silent and grabbed my hand.

"Of course, I will always be with you."

I shook my head snapping out of the flashback. I've been having increasingly more flashbacks lately.

I shivered in the cold and felt a sudden emptiness in my heart.

I wish he was here beside me. I wish none of that ever happened. I just miss him so much. I want him back so badly.

Suddenly it was all too much. I fell onto my knees and painfully sobbed out all my sorrows. 

But no matter how much I cried, I could never bring him back. And that made me angry. But then the anger would subside and I just felt numbness.

It hurt so bad, I just didn't want to live anymore. I felt so lost without you.

I thought of all the ways I could end my life, because any amount of pain is incomparable to what I was feeling now.

"I want to die" I whispered to myself.

"Don't say that."

I gasped as I felt a warm pair of arms wrap around me, and felt my heart race hearing a voice I thought I would never hear again.

Somebody then pulled me to my feet and held me tight.

"You don't know how painful it is to hear you say that."

I stood there, shocked.

I turned around and saw him, right in front of me.

"S-Seokmin?" my voice trembled.

He nodded and smiled at me.

But it wasn't his bright and cheerful smile. It was a sad smile.

"Why are you doing this to yourself? My life may have ended, but why has yours stopped?"

I suddenly felt guilty. I know he must be aware of how much I suffered this past year, and I felt ashamed for being so weak.

"I just... I didn't know what to do."

"Noona."

I looked at him. It's been so long since I heard him call me that.

"Promise me you will keep living."

I looked away, I didn't know if I could promise that.

He could see the hesitancy in my eyes and it broke his heart.

"How about this? I'll make you a deal." 

I looked at him once again, curious what he was about to say.

"As long as you live your life to the fullest, as long as you never give up, as long as you open your heart to others, I will be waiting for you at the end of the road."

I paused for a moment, searching deep in his eyes for even a hint of doubt. And when I didn't find any, I smiled.

"Deal."


End file.
